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I Finally Bought Some Jordans: Essays (Paperback)

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"Very good writers have an ability to make you understand what they're feeling. But the very best writers have an ability to make you understand what you're feeling. And that's where Michael Arceneaux sits, and that's what he does in this new book. It's like he's crawling around inside your head opening file cabinets and telling you what the gibberish you've scribbled on each page in each file means. What a great, fun read."—Shea Serrano, #1 New York Times bestselling author

New York Times bestselling author Michael Arceneaux returns with a hilarious collection of essays about making your voice heard in an increasingly noisy and chaotic world.

In his books I Can't Date Jesus and I Don't Want to Die Poor, Michael Arceneaux established himself as one of the most beloved and entertaining writers of his generation, touching upon such hot-button topics as race, class, sexuality, labor, debt, and, of course, paying homage to the power and wisdom of Beyoncé. In this collection, Arceneaux takes stock of how far he has traveled—and how much ground he still has to cover in this patriarchal, heteronormative society. He explores the opportunities afforded to Black creatives but also the doors that remain shut or ever-so-slightly ajar; the confounding challenges of dating in a time when social media has made everything both more accessible and more unreliable; and the allure of returning home while still pushing yourself to seek opportunity elsewhere.

I Finally Bought Some Jordans is both a corrective to, and a balm for, these troubling times, revealing a sharply funny and keen-eyed storyteller working at the height of his craft.

About the Author


Michael Arceneaux is the New York Times-bestselling author of I Can’t Date Jesus, I Don’t Want To Die Poor, and his latest, I Finally Bought Some Jordans. He is currently doing the best with what he’s got in Los Angeles.

Praise For…


"Pop-culture savant Michael Arceneaux’s essays on navigating 'geriatric millennial' anxiety were so hilariously relatable, I feverishly tore through the book in one sitting. From pandemic dating ('Now wasn’t the time to breathe around strangers') to framing Beyoncé as his 'Lord and Gyrator' as he navigates the modern-life disasters like climate change and student loan debt—Arceneaux’s sharply-observed takes are both devastating and utterly delightful." — Tia Williams, author of Seven Days in June and A Love Song for Ricki Wilde

"Very good writers have an ability to make you understand what they're feeling. But the very best writers have an ability to make you understand what you're feeling. And that's where Michael Arceneaux sits, and that's what he does in this new book. It's like he's crawling around inside your head opening file cabinets and telling you what the gibberish you've scribbled on each page in each file means. What a great, fun read." — Shea Serrano, #1 New York Times bestselling author

"Arceneaux’s acerbic wit sizzles (to those who questioned why he relocated to wildfire-prone L.A., he responds, 'At least I have a lovely view of a burning world'), and he balances the humor with heartfelt reflection. This packs a punch." — Publishers Weekly (starred review)

"His keenest and best yet, informed by the clarity of priorities that comes with making art in our era of public health disaster and racial reckoning. Arceneaux is a hilarious and brilliant analyst of culture, for whom the pandemic blurred the boundaries between personal emotional experience and entertainment. . . . [His] writing is a kind friend on the phone and his seek-and-ye-shall-find approach to pleasure and contentment is alive and contagious." — Booklist (starred review)

"Arceneaux’s latest essays are still as pointed and funny as those from his earlier books. At the same time, they also reflect the angst of a young generation forced to navigate the unprecedented new realities of a changing planet. A mordantly irreverent essay collection." — Kirkus Reviews

"Hilarious . . . I Finally Bought Some Jordans is both a corrective to, and a balm for, these troubling times, revealing a sharply funny and keen-eyed storyteller working at the height of his craft." — Write or Die

"Arceneaux’s essays have become an essential means of understanding the nature of American anxiety and hope." — Time

"Like his god, Beyoncé, Michael has a ‘Negro, Creole, and Texas Bama’ alchemy that will leave you weak with recognition, regret, and joy." — Melissa Harris-Perry

"A rebel with hot sauce in his bag." — Lena Waithe

"Arceneaux’s confident voice and unapologetic sense of humor will appeal to fans of Roxane Gay." — Publishers Weekly

"Arceneaux’s voice is insightful, witty and bold, giving us a much-needed personal narrative that challenges society to do better, as he reflects on the lessons he has learned." — The Grio

"Hysterically funny." — Vogue

"Hilarious." — Essence

"Arceneaux’s acerbic humor is reminiscent of the very best work of American humorist and author David Sedaris." — The Advocate

"Witty and wise." — Soledad O'Brien

"Heartbreaking, hilarious, unapologetic and smart." — NPR


Product Details
ISBN: 9780063140417
ISBN-10: 0063140411
Publisher: HarperOne
Publication Date: March 12th, 2024
Pages: 240
Language: English